#Reasons to not leave the closet
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Oh suddenly this isnt a safe space *retreats further into the closet*
#Hmmmm#Trans#Mother. Please wtf#What are you on about#What do you mean the phyically male boxer in the olympics????#Wtf. Who are you on about#Why did i spot an air quotation marks gesture when i saw you say she or female#Mother i dont feel safe#(She wasnt taking to me. She was talking to her bfs daughter who got punch at school for sticking up for her biologically male friend)#I dont know if said friend is trans but i think my mums bfs daughter refers to him using he/him#Mother this isnt a safe space for me anymore#I know you want to protect her but really#Reasons to not leave the closet#Wtf#Seriously#Transgender#transmasc#Trans masc#I really dont want to leave the closet anymore#I really wish i could feel safe around family :(#tw transphobes#Tw transphobia#transphobes#tranphobia#Tagging just in case but i dont know what to tag#Mother please please please wtf#Wtf wtf wtf#Can i have a fucking trans accepting space to be or not#Really#.
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two took edibles now all I can think about is you being takiishi’s little drug obsessed housewife that wanders around his home and annoys the crap out of Endo for taking up so much of Chika’s weird affection even tho you’re too spacey to acknowledge it fully
#takiishi#endo#endo x reader#chika takiishi x reader#you know that tik tok sound ‘what tha fak’… that’s me thinking of this#being someone chika wants to protect but obvs he can’t do it in a sane way#so he keeps you locked up with all men toys clothes and weed you could ask for#and never lets you leave or go anywhere without him and / or endo …#but it never seems to interest you.. HOLD ON I’m getting too high to uh . finish these thoughts but I’m gonna make a banger post tomorrow#when I’m sober and recovered from a 10-2 am concert#lmao I love chika tho I want his ass for very specific reasons which I later may reveal#(me being. a closet asexual but refusing to admit it bc of trauma )#sober me is gonna be so mad I said that#out loud at least she’s not THAT delulu#oh boy I better go#caitie blabs#drugs tw
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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Currently having a breakdancing session with myself<333
#im Turing 21 tomorrow#im gonna cry#I don’t want to spend time with my family#i don’t understand#they don’t even like me xjsjhjdhs#its sad that the moment I move away I’ll be low contact with all of them://#my life is going no where#I want to leave#but I’m disabled and not mentally stable enough dndjhdjxks#but they just think I’m lazy#like bro I have doctors appointments smsmjsks#I faint when I’m out in public#i hate my birthday#so much#im not in the closet but at this point I wish I was sjjsjdks#the only reason I’m still home and not kicked out is because my dad cared well he tires#my mother would have kicked me out#girlie gonna kicked me out for shaving my head#and getting a binder#both my parents are transphobic but they’re both different kinds of transphobe#dad is ignorant transphobia#mother fucking dislikes us teehee#she’d rather kick me out#can’t believe I let this women beat the shit out of me everyday for 13 years#whelp#im not ready to be 21#I wasn’t ready to be 20#I wasn’t ready to be 18#I suck at everything wtf dnmdnddm#man idk why I’m still kicking tbh
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sometimes.... transitioning is not an option currently. I wish all these posts telling ppl to take the initiative could take that into account.
#munchie posts#'just go do it' yeah and I'll get myself killed doing that lol#Idk it just makes me upset bc like. it feels like they're overlooking one of the biggest reasons ppl stay in the closet#and it's bc their safety and wellbeing could be put at risk if they're unable to get away from the harmful ppl in life#I cannot transition- nor can I leave my oppressor. I just wish those posts would take situations like this into account
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wishing a certain few coworkers a very merry
#e s p e c i a l l y that lady who cracks down on earphone usage. p l s leave on time today im begginggggggg#i wanna catch the crossfade when/if it drops today bc meotoooooooooooooooo#the m e o t o yk. *meoto*#ok but. it’s really funny how lxl have had absolutely 0 mvs leading up to the album drop. mona had a few. ft4 had a ton.#and lxl had mvs featuring the no. 1 closeted yujiro stan (koichiro [slash hedge jay]) and the no. 1 delulu aizo stan (chizuutan) instead#i think oshi no mahou’s mv will drop this week though. maybe friday?#only bc its mv is featured with the album and it’s only reasonable that they free it before the album release party lol#or maybe next friday at latest lol. but somehow i get the feeling that white day kiss is gonna get an mv? maybe it’s just my hopium lol#but anyway!!!!!!!!! aauauauauauauaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lxl album soon!!!!!#meoto soon!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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lowk annoyed everytime people act like the main reason why kotaro and shinpei do those stuff is romantic jealousy like guys ik this is a romance manga but cmon. not everything is abt romance. ok. theres so many other reasons and to boil it down into romantic jealousy is so 💀
#like yeah obv romantic jealousy is involved but thats not the point yk#like esp w kotaro in 30 like theres sooooo much shit going on#and shinpei says it outright too!!! he thought satoko would leave him behind#like idk sorry i get annoyed when people call hny a love triangle or seriously consider kotaro a love interest#kotaro didnt just miss his chance he never had one!!!#r u not seeing the themes. rhe reason why its shinpei#when kotaro represents the family who wants the best for satoko#but is ultimately perpetuates the whole fucked up belief system that makes satoko an object and feel trapped#its not his fault!! its not any of their faults#shinpei is the foil to both of them#claude txt#there was a whole ass chapter called ill set you free#with the memory of satokos mother telling her you dont have any freedom here#the whole ill make you feel free where ever you are satoko#the way its said TWICE like cmon guys#like did u guys also ignore how satoko has absolutely 0 romantic interest in kotaro#kotaros here havinf romantic daydreams while satoko is like kotaro is such a worrywart :/#sorry people r calling kotaro a closeted yandere and im shaking the bars of the enclosure screaming why hes not#<-yandere liker (its literally only shinpei and nier)#sorry i relate so much to yanderes banging the wall like stoooooppp stoppp#kotaro isn’t obsessively in love with satoko!!!!!!!!!!!! Tgats literally the main criteria#kotaro fundamentally isnt a yandere because he has already accepted his feelings will be unrequited forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#a yandere is selfish ok like lowk its fucking genius of tachibana to make shinpei a yandere#to be the foil to kotaro and satokos selflessness
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i had this button up shirt i really liked cuz it was bright blue and the two sides were mismatched so i bought it, wore it once, it stained me blue, and then it disappeared. that was three years ago. i have not found it since
#teru core#i genuinely have no idea where it is#i’ve cleaned out my closet my drawers and under my bed#i have not found it#then again#i haven’t checked my sisters side of the closet#and sometimes my clothes get lost on her side#???? for some reason#like once i found a pair of my shorts that i’d been looking for for months#it’s not intentional she doesn’t steal them#they just leave their clothes everywhere and mine accidentally get caught up in theirs on rare occasion#sighhhh#i really liked it too#the shirt i mean#oh well#i’ll make it my mission during spring break to look for it#that’s my punishment for wearing it before washing it#i don’t do that anymore#i swear#cnp rants
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Stuff that almost feels like a dream, I was walking the dogs in the cold night in the neighborhood and it was strangely comforting, I appreciated the silence of it at least lol
#one of them doesn't have any goddamn coordination tho jfc#idk walking past by all the houses made me nostalgic for some reason#I think back to this one time I went to a filipino party and it was in this giant ass house#like 3 full levels multiple rooms it was crazy 😭 and I remember being with my friends and reading noragami in one of the closets#it almost didn't feel real none of it did but I know it's just a distant memory now#also I cried for like a solid 5 minutes about my older dog's mortality because I didn't want him to leave 😭💀#my posts
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i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW
#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave#my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first#plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that#i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready#because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry#and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem#i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what#other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen#i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help#and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ?#and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird#plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that#anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn#i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days#i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn#for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out
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what's also great about the ichi watch is that the gold and red goes well with the arakawa-inspo outfit i have..
#snap chats#aka the outfit im wearing right now BYE#its so funny that i have really accidentally stolen his clothes. like idk what to tell you#owning a grey suit and a three-piece black suit's commonplace i really did just need the shirt LMAO#did eventually find a scarf buried in my closet so i even have that on lock down 😩 perfect for fall ig LOL#POINT IS i do have that gold bracelet plus the gold-buckled belt but also the red shoes.. that i and everyone around me love..#its perfect goku idk what else you want from me.. was meant to be even#what I want tho is food but i dont have time to make rice and im going out to eat in the city after class anyway#anyway love how i know im gonna preorder it but i havent yet because I Dont Know i like waiting until the last second i guess#ive reasoned with myself only to get the watch since as cute as the bag and wallet are#the wallet i have now is perfectly fine- plus my sister gave it to me. and i dont need a bag enough to warrant getting it#love how i never even considered the jacket LMAO LIKE ITS A CUTE JACKET just.. not $200 cute..#that's what my puffer is tho.. dont tell anyone--#ANYWAY YEAH <3 once i get the ichi watch i can stop wearing this bitch ass cringe ass watch my mom gave me#i just hope changing the battery in the watch wont be a pain down the line cause i dont think its solar powered WHOOP..#it'll be worth it to me.... ok bye im gonna stare at the wall until i have to leave for class#i have all my commission stuff done for now and i wanna rest from drawing for the rest of the day. maybe.#might stream tonight but i also might be drunk LMAO we'll see#if i stream uhhhhhh dude i dont even know.... funny y3 stream ???? drawing stream ????#we'll see what happens anyway BYE
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I really hate that the default for all social media now is “mmm give us all your contacts unghh don’t you want us to recommend your profile to everyone you’ve ever known!!!” Because why the fuck did I make an alt account on IG so I could post art on there and immediately I’m getting followed by my entire extended family? I don’t even have any fucking posts up yet. So dead in the water before I even started, thanks.
#like god can I not just post anonymously anywhere??#literally only here is left#one of the many reasons I’ll never leave tumblr#like I can’t be openly myself anywhere else I’m not even fucking OUT OF THE CLOSET#LET ME HAVE THE INTERNET
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People who think elk “moved out” of the house 😂 as if she ever lived there based on the dirty floors and outdated furniture that hasn’t been changed since 2011? Louis uses that place as a storage
maybe she likes apocalyptic vibes, we should consider that
#lmao#but yeah#ms posh sure would leave that backyard to rot#there's a reason her pics where only taken in the bathroom and her dungeon i mean closet room
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*kicks in door and runs in panting*
What if Xander is an egg and a lot of the friction in his relationships (with women), both romantic and other wise, is because they represent someone he wants to be? That someone being also a woman.
#mind you#I don't think there is any text whatsoever in BtVs that Xander is struggling with trans feelings#I'm just saying some of his behaviour could be analogous to the tendency for a lot closeted trans people overcompensating#with heavily performative gender expression and all that#I don't know I've been struggling with what to do with Xander since I started this blog#because he's very much a product of his time#Xander isn't an original thought from Joss's head#he's just fucking Chandler Bing in high school let's be absolutely real#and yeah it retrospect a lot of people have reasonably cited him as a proto incel#I think that's a little harsh#but what if he could be transformed into something more interesting without erasing the problematic behaviour#which is how I've been handling it like keep the snark but leave the weird misogyny and hangups out of the equation#which hasn't really worked#meta ramble
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Okay look LOOK
If Draco had just gone to fucking Durmstrang then he never would have gotten beaten up and abused and more selfish and he never would have fucken nearly died cause hogwarts is a child-meat-grinder shit hole and he never would have been forced to join his daddy's white supremacist - i mean 'pure-blood'- supremacist gang and become an absolute shitter
I mean
Just justice for my boy
Let my boy go to drumstrang
#draco malfoy#meme post#shit post#help#brand new sentence#harry potter#Okay like#Everyone knows#Everyone knows The dark wizard cabal is just a thinly covered shitty reference to white supremacists#Like#No excuse for that#Any of the death eaters being white supremacists straight to Alcatraz I mean Azkaban#No fucking excuse#Hogwarts straight turning shitty little 11 year olds into fucking racist supremacists by putting them all in the Bad House TM and leaving#Them to sort their shit out#Like great plan fellas#While im on this fuck dumbledore in his pasty lil arse like Grindlewald never had tbe fucking guts to#Straight raising a child for slaughter#The fucking shame on him shame on his horse#Glad he got pusbed out the tower i mean you gwt me#Also has this grey haired closeted lil bitch ever heard of the cushioning charm??#I mean i get its all for a reason and he was dying anyway JKR you lil terf fucker#But lile he easily coulda survived that#Fuck i didnt realise how much hatred i had towards elements of a childrens story fuck#Also the centaurs 'choosing' not to be considered 'people'? Fucked#Sapient is sapient Jkr you lil bitch#Plus the fucking slavery fueling their economy#Dont think i dont see you dumbledore and your army of kitchen slaves#Oh and jK is like 'oh no they want to be slaves' fucked#That's the same weak ass bitch ass lil excuse slavers used i hope your happy you terfy lil brainless shit bag
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Any of y’all want a four year old? Cuz I’m so tired
#for legal reasons this is a joke#she’s my sister and I love her to pieces but when I tell y’all she’s a fucking menace to society#I can’t have ANYTHING out when I leave the house or else she’ll lose or break it#like my mom can’t even watch her all the time because she’s always running around and refuses to stay in one part of the house#so she’ll just go into my room and have a free for all on my stuff#on that note I’m moving into my dorm in a month so anything I’m not taking with me is going into the closet#crumbs babbles
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